Something Wicked This Way Comes – Disney Wants to Remake ‘Hocus Pocus’

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Is there a spell in Winifred’s spellbook that can make this Hocus Pocus remake go poof?

In case you haven’t heard the news as of yet, the Disney Channel is planning a TV remake of the beloved Halloween classic, Hocus Pocus. I know, I know, it’s insanity. Who does Disney think it is? An all-powerful media god?

Hocus Pocus starred Bette Middler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, and Thora Birch. Middler, Parker, and Najimy are the Sanderson sisters, powerful witches that consumed the souls of children to stay young forever but a young man foils their plans (gets turned into a cat) and ends up keeping watch over the town of Salem to make sure no one reawakens the witches. But a cocky teen virgin ends up lighting the Black Fame to impress a girl and causes the Sanderson sisters to come back and wreak havoc on Salem.

The remake will center on a new story and new characters. Ugh. Scarlett Kay will be writing and executive producer David Kirschner, who produced and co-wrote the original film will also be working on the film.

Look, Disney, I love you but this is a huge mistake. You cannot touch this cult classic and do it justice, no matter how much you think that you can. Let’s go over the reasons why.

  • You can’t replace Bette Middler.
  • Or anyone else in this movie.
  • You’ll make Thackery Binx a CGI cat and that will look horrible.
  • And cast one of your annoying Disney child/teen stars that tries too hard when acting.
  • Everyone’s going to have cell phones and there will be some stupid joke where the kids make a viral video out of the witches.
  • Remakes always suck.
  • Honestly, no one wants this.
  • Just stop.
  • For the love of all that is unholy and Halloween, don’t go through with this.

 

Via Giphy
Monica Piluso

Monica Piluso

I could write something really corny or awesome about me but honestly I'm just a young woman that loves geek culture, laughing, and keys (I have a strange obsession with keys). Follow me on Twitter!: @StoryInTheEnd
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