‘Game of Thrones’ “Battle of the Bastards” Recap: “You Will Disappear”

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Season 6 | Episode 9 | “Battle of the Bastards”

Game of Thrones DELIVERED on successfully giving us the most satisfying, bloody, intense, and EPIC battle in ALL of television history!

I mean holy shit was that gratifying! And while the whole time I was pretty much holding my breath and praying for my beloved Jon Snow (still not over Hardhome and you know the stabbing thing!), the true winner of this battle is Sansa Stark of Winterfell, THE QUEEN OF THE NORTH!

Now let’s march into the Bastard Bowl!

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When Dany and Her Dragons Come to Town!

So the Masters continue their attack on Meereen while Daenerys and Tyrion have a little chat. Dany confesses she pretty much wants to destroy all the cities but Tyrion reminds her that she is not her father…you know burn people alive and shit. So Dany is open to Tyrion suggesting “an alternative approach.”

Dany and her trusted council meet with the three Masters. Though the Masters think that Dany and Co are there to surrender the city, HA, that is not how Dany plays. Enter ALL THREE DRAGONS…

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…with Dany on Drogon’s back burning down some ships and Daario and the Dothraki take on the Sons of the Harpy. Tyrion, Missandei, and Grey Worm leave one Master alive and tell him to travel back to the cities and inform the people this is what happens “when Daenerys Stormborn and her dragons came to Meereen.”

The Greyjoy siblings have made it to Meereen and are received by Tyrion and Daenerys. Though Tyrion is less than thrilled to see Theon both Dany and Tyrion seems impressed with Yara. The Greyjoys inform Dany that they will offer her their ships in exchange for Dany helping Yara get the Salt Throne. Though it does worry Tyrion that if the Iron Islands are free then what will stop other houses declaring their freedom. Dany agrees to the terms but only if Yara agrees to end all the reaving and raping. PS, totally some sexual tension between Yara and Dany!

So are we going to Westeros now?


Let The Game Begin!

Team Stark/Snow meet with Team Bolton in a field outside Winterfell to go over terms. Ramsay simply tells Jon to kneel before him and Jon, Sansa, and all their men will be pardoned. Jon also would like to not see thousands die and offers  to fight Ramsay in one-on-one combat. Ramsay ain’t down for that. So pretty much a battle is going down, DUH! The parties leave with final words from Sansa to Ramsay, “you will die tomorrow.”

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That evening Team Stark/Snow have a battle meeting. Once alone with Jon, Sansa makes it clear that she is PO’ed that no one ever asked her for her opinion. Sansa knows Ramsay and he loves traps. IT’S A TRAP! Sansa also informs Jon that if Ramsay does win she will not return to him alive.

Jon stops by Melisandre’s tent and orders her not to bring him back if he were to die tomorrow. Melisandre makes it clear that it is not her choice but the Lord of Lights. After a short chat about following the wrong kings Tormund and Davos part ways. Davos continues to walk through the camp when he comes across Shireen’s pyre and finds the carved stag he made for her. Davos is clearly upset about this but pushes his pain aside, there is a battle tomorrow. Davos and Melisandre show down in the finale!

The following morning the Stark/Snow army and the Bolton army stand across from each other with a battlefield between them. Then out walks Ramsay with Rickon following behind. Ramsay releases Rickon and tells him to run to his brother Jon. Rickon begins to run and Jon notices that Ramsay is getting ready to shoot arrows after his little brother. This leads Jon to basically fall right into Ramsay’s trap and forget all about his battle plans because he hops on his horse and races towards his brother. Jon is too late and Rickon is taken down by Ramsay’s arrows and so begins the battle that Stark/Snow is already losing.

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So yea after this point everything goes to shit for Stark/Snow and Ramsay is completely kicking ass while he watches from afar.

Blood is everywhere.

Arrows are flying.

Horses are falling.

Jon is covered in blood and mud.

Tormund’s nose get f*!ked up.

Jon gets crushed under people and breaks free just to look around and notice they are getting their asses kicked.

Then a warhorn blows and in enters the Knights of the Vales with Sansa and Littlefinger watching in the distance.

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At this point, Jon notices that Ramsay begins to retreat back to Winterfell. Jon, Tormund, and Wun-Wun start chasing after the Bastard Bolton. Though Ramsay locks the gate that is no match for Wun-Wun who breaks down the door. Wun-Wun takes a bunch of arrows and finally falls…RIP Wun-Wun. Ramsay knowing that he has been defeated suggests one-on-one combat. Jon uses a shield to block Ramsay’s arrows and when Jon finally reaches Ramsay he begins to punch the crap out of him. Jon stops though once he sees Sansa walk into the courtyard, Ramsay is Sansa’s kill, not his.

Stark banners are now hanging again around Winterfell and Jon orders that Rickon gets buried in the crypt next to their father.

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Sansa heads to the kennels where she finds her husband bloody and chained to a chair. Though Ramsay believes that Sansa won’t kill him, “you can’t kill me. I am part of you now.” Sansa informs Ramsay, “your words will disappear. Your house will disappear. All memory of you will disappear.” Ramsay’s hounds begin to move towards him. The dogs were once loyal but now they are just hungry. The hounds begin to attack Ramsay, ripping his face off first. Sansa watches for a moment then walks away smiling while Ramsay screams in the background!

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YASSSS QUEEN SANSA, YASSSSS!

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Side Notes:

This episode was totally a mixture of ICE AND FIRE!

I mean, check out this parallel!

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People won’t let go of the idea that Sansa is carrying Ramsay’s child especially after he said, “I am part of you now.” Followed by her little speech leading some theorists to believe she will name the child Snow or Stark. I mean maybe he just means Sansa is a little bit more wicked then the girl who made dresses back in the day.

Jon uses a House Mormont shield to protect himself from Ramsay’s arrows. Seems like those Mormont are always protecting Jon (cough, cough Longclaw).

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Kait Calabrò

Kait Calabrò

Lady Kaitlin Marie Bernadette Calabrò of House Ravenclaw, First of Her Name; Mother of Recaps, Breaker of News, Khaleesi of Wonder Wharf, Queen of Geekdom, and Empress of Anglophiles, is the Managing Editor of AGtM.  By day she is the Marketing Manager of the Philadelphia Film Society, by night she is a serious relationship with her Netflix account. Kait is a proud Temple Owl! And is currently in a celebrity feud with both Samuel L. Jackson and Zachary Levi, unbeknownst to them. She spends her evenings watching the skies waiting for Thor to fly down and take her back to Asgard!
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